What's in a name?

This was not going to be what this post was about.

What you are not reading here is a review of Iron Man 3 and Star Trek: Into Darkness, both of which I saw this last weekend, and enjoyed immensely (oh, it is kind of a review after all).

But then, I realised, I couldn't do a proper review without spoilers. And something else happened. There was a big spoiler somewhere else.

So, before I get started, a question. How many Doctor Who references can you see in my last post? Go on. I'll wait. It isn't many. Not many at all.

1, right? Right up there at the beginning, when talking about the BBC?

No.

Give yourself a pat on the back with a sonic screwdriver if you said 2. Not sure where the second one is? Check the end of this post.

The fact that it was only two is frankly a miracle. Doctor Who remains one of my strongest geek enthusiasms, one which started when my age was in single digits, and grew when I was in my teens, when it wasn't on air. I will no doubt talk more on this, with thoughts on particular Doctors, as these posts grow.

For now, this is just about the episode which is on this Saturday night....rather worryingly called:

The name of the Doctor has been central to the series since day one. Though it has also been answered and deflected for as long. The whole point of the name of the series and the first episode was the mystery of this (seeming) man who lived in a junk yard.

For many years (and again in 2005, until David Tennant asked it be changed when he took over), the lead actor in the series was credited as Doctor Who, not the Doctor.

In (and I can hear every Who fan in the world taking a deep breath to say this along with me now) The War Machines, WOTAN instructs 'Bring me Doctor Who'. He has also rejoiced under Doctor von Wer.

Most famously, and from his time with UNIT onwards most consistently, the Doctor has gone under the sobriquet Doctor John Smith when he needs to have an actual name. That said, he was clearly using the alias long before that:

Once, when asked what his name was, he said "My real name has 17 syllables and is unpronounceable" or words to that effect. The fact that Haiku has 17 syllables is not lost on me.

But then, the Doctor Lies. That's rule 1. Oh, and that's the other reference in my last post, by the way. It seems I did it again, as this isn't the end of the post.

"He has many names" is the simplification used in Battlefield, when the fact he is also known as Merlin is mentioned. He is the Oncoming Storm...and why not, as good a title as any, and a sneaky Gandalf allusion at that. He is, according to various spin offs, the Ka Faraq Gatri.

Technically, he is Mr. President....given the number of times he's ended up in charge of Gallifrey and the liking his people had for adopting titles as names.

He has more names than he has had faces, it seems.

 So, here's the thing. I don't care what his name is. Honestly.

It's a fun bit of frippery about the Doctor that he is called the Doctor and may also have a 'real' name. I enjoy the in joke. I smirked like a smug little fan boy when in the modern series it was described as being a name "written in the sky of the Medusa cascade". I spotted the increase in the old "Doctor who?" joke just before the Silence were described as trying to avoid the answer to the oldest question, and then pointed out that "I told you so" to anyone who would listen when it was revealed that oldest question was indeed "Doctor who?".

But I don't actually want to know the name, I don't think. What would be the point? My reasons are threefold:

• He has been known as the Doctor for far longer than he was known as his supposed real name. Nobody has known his name for aaaaaages. His name actually is the Doctor.
• As I have already mentioned, he has many names. And if the name is comprehensible in our language then it is a translation or an alias. It isn't actually the name or the whole (cracked, inconsistent, but present) logic of the character is blown apart.
• The name can only be an anti climax. Like the unseen characters in sit-coms, or the answer to the mystery of Lost, and the question which leads to the answer 42, it only has value because we don't know it.

Look, the series has outright stated that most races get the meaning of the word Doctor from him, whether it means healer or warrior. The Master sneers that the Doctor chose his name as he wanted to be "The man who makes people better". Why do we want him to be anything else? How can knowing his name cause anything like the disaster predicted?

But, do you know what? I trust the makers of the series. Like me, they are both traditional fans and slight iconoclasts, experienced in the art of making sense of a universe which was never designed to do so. I will accept finding out the Doctor's name if the story requires it, if is presents me with drama, laughter, catharsis. I am looking forward to both the series finale on Saturday and the anniversary special because I know, even if we find out his name, it will have a reason, and will then be moved passed. He will still end up as the Doctor.

And Moffat has previous for misdirecting us. Hell, he told us the Doctor was dead last year. Turns out, it isn't just me and the Doctor that Rule 1 applies to. I have faith he will handle it well.

What I don't want to do is find out via an internet leak. A really rather silly error means the episode is out there early. Fans, casual or otherwise, have been urged not to share the contents, but rather feel smug in getting the information early and retain their power by not revealing what they know (the irony that this is also point three above is not lost on me).

Sadly, at least one, probably more, have ignored this. Wikipedia has apparently been hacked a few times to reveal the name, and nothing else, on the Doctor Who page. I have seen hints of screen grabs, and plot synopses, which I have avoided like the plague.

I don't mind knowing what is going to happen massively - I love watching things even once I know the twist and the content. But I hate spoilers. It is my choice whether I know about a piece of fiction before I consume it. To aggressively share something which has been made such a key part of the fictional world, out of context, and before its time suggests you probably shouldn't be given the right to access fiction - you aren't responsible enough. Spoilers eliminate magic and rob the storyteller of their right to tell you a story. How sad is your life that you don't want magic or stories in it? And for no-one else to have them either?

More relevantly for me, why would I want to hear the name, if it is indeed revealed (come on Moff, don't let me down) out of context? I will accept what I see as a bit of misstep if it is handled well and creates drama and enjoyment. But just to be presented by the fact online is equivalent of the Doctor walking out of TARDIS at the start of the ep wearing a badge like this:

So, I'll be avoiding the net in general this week, only playing in pools I know and trust.

And hopefully, when I find out that my hero is in fact Doctor Cyril Sneer, I will at least be pleased that this allows him to defeat the Silence or whoever somehow and that NO ONE WILL CALL HIM IT AGAIN.

Come of Moffat, apply rule 1. Twist out of it.

Feeling grumpy now (which makes me a true fan). Need something to make me feel better.

I feel better.











PS - Looking for the other Who reference? Oops, looks like I lied. Read the post, lazy person, you might find it there.